I Am Far From Over

I have always loved Cher.  There is something about her voice that has always appealed to me.  I can remember as a young girl watching the Sonny and Cher show on Sunday evenings with my family back home in Southern California.  Sonny and Cher's antics were silly but I always remember her solos. "Half Breed" was my absolute favorite song.  And, who can forget her singing, "If I Could Turn Back Time", on the battleship with all the Marines behind her years later?

Her roles in movies have always been well done.  Moonstruck is one of my all time favorites. I can drive Ali crazy within minutes as I speak each characters line; having seen the movie for the umpteenth time.  She was wonderful in Witches of Eastwick, Silkwood, Mask and Suspect.

My mother was a fan of Cher as well.  I remember watching her smile when we watched Sonny and Cher.  I remember one day, before she got ill,  walking to the sidewalk to get into our car.  My mother was walking in front of me and I said excitedly, "Mommy, you have hips just like Cher!".  I meant it as a complete compliment but it took me a few years to understand that it was not a compliment to her.

Today marks the day that I was told a year ago that I had Invasive Ductal Carcinoma of the right breast.  Breast Cancer.  The idea that I had a disease that I watched take over and kill my mother when I was a child was terrifying to me.

Strange as it seems, I gained strength from Cher.  She was in a horrible movie a couple years ago entitled Burlesque.  But, in that movie is a song she sings that I have played over and over and over again.  It has helped me get through the past year.  

The words are below and I know that you will see why I love this ballad and the strength it has given me.  I thank Cher for her beautiful voice and, I thank the writer, Diane Warren.  Her words are striking.


You Haven't Seen The Last Of Me

Feeling broken
Barely holding on
But there's just something so strong
Somewhere inside me
And I am down but I'll get up again
Don't count me out just yet

I've been brought down to my knees
And I've been pushed way past the point of breaking
But I can take it
I'll be back
Back on my feet
This is far from over
You haven't seen the last of me
You haven't seen the last of me

They can say that
I won't stay around
But I'm gonna stand my ground
You're not gonna stop me
You don't know me
You don't know who I am
Don't count me out so fast

I've been brought down to my knees
And I've been pushed way past the point of breaking
But I can take it
I'll be back
Back on my feet
This is far from over
You haven't seen the last of me

There will be no fade out
This is not the end
I'm down now
But I'll be standing tall again
Times are hard but
I was built tough
I'm gonna show you all what I'm made of

I've been brought down to my knees
And I've been pushed right past the point of breaking
But I can take it
I'll be back
Back on my feet
This is far from over
I am far from over
You haven't seen the last of me

No no
I'm not going nowhere
I'm staying right here
Oh no
You won't see me fade out
I'm not taking my bow
Can't stop me
It's not the end
You haven't seen the last of me
Oh no
You haven't seen the last of me
You haven't seen the last of me

Things We Won't Forget

There are days and times in all of our lives that we will not forget.  Yesterday, sadly, is a perfect example.  There are memories that we all will deal with in different ways; those big headlines that we will always remember and those on a more personal level that we, and a few close to us, may always recall.

Me? There are a few headlines I remember.  I was in the Student Center at my high school when President Reagan was shot.  I was coming up the basement stairs with a load of laundry when the news came on that Princess Diana was killed.  I was standing at the back door waiting to wave good-bye to my husband as he left for work, something I try and do every day he leaves first, when he yelled to me that we had been attacked and then turning on the t.v. to see a plane fly into the Twin Towers and Pentagon.  I will now recall being at work and having a text from CNN beep into my phone to announce the terrorist attack in Boston.

This week though, there are the other kind of memories that are hitting home for me.  Tomorrow, the 17th of April, was the day I went to Northwestern for my scheduled biopsy a year ago.  I had already had my diagnostic mammogram and an ultrasound a few days before that was questioned   I remember having the ultrasound tech tell me that she was going to bring in the radiologist.  The radiologist came in and she spent a great deal of time looking at my right breast and then showed me the ultrasound, something they usually do not do.  I saw the black circular area that spanned out a bit like a paisley design and I knew.  She told me she was concerned.  She was very kind and quietly waited outside the changing area to personally walk me to the scheduling area.  

A few days later, the 17th of April, I was back for the biopsy.  I was not nervous.  If you have been to Northwestern you know that it is more like a spa than a hospital, as a friend this morning told me when she was there for the first time.  Dr. M. came in and when the resident asked her if she still wanted me to have the biopsy, having seen the screen image, I knew that the results I would get were not good.

This Friday will mark the one year mark that I received the phone call telling me that I had cancer. It is a day that will be forever in my memory, my husbands, daughters and family.  It is a marker for me, something to use and look back on.  With regret?  No.

I pray for those who were killed, maimed and in any way hurt by yesterdays terrorist attack.  It is a horrific tragedy for all.  Most especially for the families of the three who were murdered.