Preparation

It's a blur since they told me about it
How the darkness had taken its toll
And they cut into my skin and they cut into my body
But they will never get a piece of my soul.

I have yet to make it through the song, singing in the car of course.  When I hit these words in the song the reality of the situation blinds me.  It Melissa Etheridge's song, I Run For Life.  It is the verse when she sings of herself and what she is going, or gone, through.

I awoke this morning at 4 after a few hours of actual sleep.  I have washed my hair, taken my two pills with the smallest amount of water possible.  I assured my daughters last night that I would not bother putting make-up on [who needs to be vain when I will be exposed in so many ways] and my bags are packed. I have one for the ICU; a book, notepad and reading glasses, a photo of the girls and a beautiful silver rosary that my high school friend Cheryl made me.  My other includes my own pj's and matching robe, of course.  I also have a few toiletries I am allowed to bring and some flip flops along with a pink blanket that Ali gave me for Mothers Day.

Like Melissa Etheridge, a breast cancer survivor herself, I have lived in a blur; work and activities with family and friends over the last month and a half have kept me busy and it is now my turn for the doctors to take the darkness away.  I have the strength of a wonderful family behind me, Greg, Amanda and Ali, they are my rocks and the reason I start this fight.  My parents are here and I have received so many well wishes from family and friends so I know the support out there is amazing and I am grateful for all of it and every last one of you.

As I prepare to drive downtown to Northwestern, I want to thank you for all you have done for me and my family.  Your words of encouragement, your thoughts and your prayers, have helped me to this point and will carry me through the rest. 

XXX